As if the winter weather doesn’t bring enough worries; traffic hassles, schedule re-adjustments, busted pipes, dead batteries and the like, you can add death by icicle impalement.  Yes, people really do die or suffer serious damage from those loosened ice-missiles careening downward.  From the roof of your carport I’d think it would take a pretty hefty one to hurt you, and it would have to be well-placed on impact.  Top of the foot with some sturdy boots on might smart a bit, but probably not going to send you to the E.R.  Shoulders should be able to shrug-off all but the beefiest ice-brutes. More damage to your pride than anything.  Now a hit to the center of your noggin’ with a sharp-pointed one could be a problem, especially if it fell from a ten-story ledge.  I can see trouble, maybe lights-out without immediate medical attention.  A jab through the carotid artery would be spurtin’ more blood than a Texas Chainsaw Massacre flick!  Curtains, Sparky.  I don’t know what the honest-to-goodness odds are they can kill you, but it has to be pretty miniscule.  I didn’t research this much, but I did learn that Russia supposedly records more than a thousand icicle deaths a year.  Of course I read that on the internet.  Makes a little sense if you consider their climate, but it gets cold and icy in the Dakotas and Maine and Canada.  Iceland and Sweden and Norway too.  Didn’t see any report on RT or anywhere else about a problem in those places.  I bet vodka kills far more Russians. There is actually something called the “Death in Society Research Foundation.” Maybe they know.  As we warm up over the next several days, and the icicles begin to break their hold on the overhangs, err on the side of safety and keep your distance.  Don’t park your new car under a whopper of a frigid stalactite, just in case.  Or Grammy on her scooter.  Maybe I took a little risk standing under one for a pic to use in my blog.  Oh well, you never know when check-out time is gonna come your way, or how unexpected it may be.  Would you want that detail in your obit, or would “an unfortunate accident” be more honorable?  I’d go with the truth, figuring most people I know would say “That could only have happened to Bobby!”   I’m curious now to know if any accidental death by icicle claims have been paid by Farmer’s.  After all, THEY know a thing or two!   Blog atcha later….

-Bobby Cook

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