Ah, Valentine’s Day love is nearly in the air, (or maybe in the microwave, on an oven rack or bubbling in a fryer) as romantics worldwide have less than three weeks to construct the ultimate expression of their love and devotion. Or maybe they’ll let the Tyson folks Frankenstein-up some reconstituted chicken parts and gift that special someone with a tasty treat that will deeply forge the bond between you both, heart-shaped chicken nuggets. Also known as tenders, fingers and strips. They’re back this year, at retailers everywhere, unless you can’t find them. My favorite chicken tenders can be found at a neighborhood convenience store. Fine cuisine can hide in the strangest places, after all. Those frozen tenders in a bag at the supermarket? Forget it. No matter how you shape ’em (square, oblong, dinosaurs or stars and yes, even hearts) they all have the same consistency to me. Those dense rubber balls you buy a toddler from the globe-like 25-cent vending machines? I’ve gotten a few nuggets to bounce almost as high. Use the proper safety equipment if you try this at home. Oh, and let me know if it goes viral as one of those Tick-Tock challenges. Unless someone is injured by a bouncing heart-shaped poultry by-product. Funny I say “unless” since someone most certainly will be.
As a bonus from the yard-bird moguls at Tyson, you may be able to procure a special red pen, with which to scribe your deepest emotions upon the battered particulates. It’s non-toxic I’m guessing, but you could probably use a good ol’ Sharpie without increasing the toxicity of the dang tender any more than when it came off the assembly line. Or belt…mold, press, teleporter…whatever the gizzard-wizards call their unearthly implements.
So grab a bag or two now while they last, and on the Big Day you can nuke them up, scribble some sweet words upon them and say to the one you love….”Wanna go watch cartoons?”